At two o'clock in the morning I had the most incredible wave of thoughts. I was pissed. First I didn't want to be awake. I was cold. I remembered all the horrible things this nasty boss did to me. I went screaming down memory lane about an old flame that I wish gets everything he deserves (and somehow I think he will). And most importantly I was mad at myself for not being to shake it. All this friggin negativity.
Think good thoughts, I commanded myself. You're alive, girl! Be grateful.
But I couldn't. I kept going back to hate. And then my heart started to pound. Bam Bam, like too fast and too hard. Like someone knocking on your door in the middle of the night. All of sudden, I think I'm going to die of a heart attack. It happens, you know, people just die of heart attacks all the time. Bam Bam Bam. Get a grip, girl! (aside: I wonder how old I'm going to have to be when I consider myself an old lady. Get a grip, old lady!)
Four hours later exhausted I fall back to sleep. I have a theory about all this just in case you want to know. It involves MSG in restaurant food and sinuses. Lack of oxygen really, but anyway.
Today I'm wandering around the web - kind of aimless, but I'm happy. I'm looking for gardening blogs. Kitchen garden, potagers, vegetables and flowers. That kind of stuff. And I run into
and all at once I know I need to incorporate this into my life.
They say happy people live better lives, and I believe it. So much energy is consumed with anger.
First day - my five small things:
1. The way Si leaps on me whenever I sit in the sun, like Yay lady! Time to snuggle!
2. My new crock pot. I made potato soup for lunch. It was good!
3. Going for a walk down to the mailbox. Well, I felt good when it ended. Two miles of up and down hills. Boy if I did that everyday, I'd be in good shape.
4. I'm really glad I didn't die of a heart attack this morning.
5. Cloud pictures.